Sora's Randumb Journey
by Marioman2233
Summary: no comment


It all started when our cliche, protagonistic figure, Sora, woke up in a haunted thicket. It was the sixth time it had happened. Feeling excessively worried, Sora groped a dull pencil, thinking it would make him feel better (but as usual, it did not). Happy as a frickin' monkey, he realized that his beloved Keyblade was missing! Immediately he called his overtly elitist, rich friend, Riku. Sora had known Riku for (plus or minus) one million years, the majority of which were enchanting ones. Riku was unique. He was plucky though sometimes a little... dimwitted. Sora called him anyway, for the situation was urgent.

Riku picked up to a very mad Sora. Riku calmly assured him that most South American hissing sloths sigh before mating, yet legless puppies usually sassily panic *after* mating. He had no idea what that meant; he was only concerned with distracting Sora. Why was Riku trying to distract Sora? Because he had snuck out from Sora's with the Keyblade only eleven days prior. It was a exotic little Keyblade... how could he resist?

It didn't take long before Sora got back to the subject at hand: his Keyblade. Riku grimaced. Relunctantly, Riku invited him over, assuring him they'd find the Keyblade. Sora grabbed his giraffe and disembarked immediately. After hanging up the phone, Riku realized that he was in trouble. He had to find a place to hide the Keyblade and he had to do it skillfully. He figured that if Sora took the best-in-its-so-called-'class' sedan, he had take at least seven minutes before Sora would get there. But if he took the The Light Cycle? Then Riku would be barely screwed.

Before he could come up with any reasonable ideas, Riku was interrupted by eight funny-smelling Heartlesss that were lured by his Keyblade. Riku sneezed; 'Not again', he thought. Feeling puzzled, he fearlessly reached for his live hand grenade and recklessly attacked every last one of them. Apparently this was an adequate deterrent--the discouraged critters began to scurry back toward the swamp, squealing with discontent. He exhaled with relief. That's when he heard the The Light Cycle rolling up. It was Sora.

----o0o----

As he pulled up, he felt a sense of urgency. He had had to make an unscheduled stop at Texaco to pick up a 12-pack of dangerous oil-soaked rags, so he knew he was running late. With a inept leap, Sora was out of the The Light Cycle and went wildly jaunting toward Riku's front door. Meanwhile inside, Riku was panicking. Not thinking, he tossed the Keyblade into a box of carrots and then slid the box behind his hippopotamus. Riku was worried but at least the Keyblade was concealed. The doorbell rang.

'Come in,' Riku scandalously purred. With a heroic push, Sora opened the door. 'Sorry for being late, but I was being chased by some clueless beer-sloshed tool in a rice rocket,' he lied. 'It's fine,' Riku assured him. Sora took a seat not remotely close to where Riku had hidden the Keyblade. Riku yawned trying unsuccessfully to hide his nervousness. 'Uhh, can I get you anything?' he blurted. But Sora was distracted. Happy as a frickin' monkey, Riku noticed a pestering look on Sora's face. Sora slowly opened his mouth to speak.

'...What's that smell?'

Riku felt a stabbing pain in his double chin when Sora asked this. In a moment of disbelief, he realized that he had hidden the Keyblade right by his oscillating fan. 'Wh-what? I don't smell anything..!' A lie. A funny-smelling look started to form on Sora's face. He turned to notice a box that seemed clearly out of place. 'Th-th-those are just my grandma's dull pencils from when she used to have pet venomous koalas. She, uh...dropped 'em by here earlier'. Sora nodded with fake acknowledgment...then, before Riku could react, Sora recklessly lunged toward the box and opened it. The Keyblade was plainly in view.

Sora stared at Riku for what must've been five seconds. Happy as a frickin' monkey, Riku groped surreptitiously in Sora's direction, clearly desperate. Sora grabbed the Keyblade and bolted for the door. It was locked. Riku let out a striking chuckle. 'If only you hadn't been so protective of that thing, none of this would have happened, Sora,' he rebuked. Riku always had been a little selfish, so Sora knew that reconciliation was not an option; he needed to escape before Riku did something crazy, like... start chucking ninja stars at him or something. Absolutely thrilled, he gripped his Keyblade tightly and made a dash toward the window, diving headlong through the glass panels.

Riku looked on, blankly. 'What the hell? That seemed excessive. The other door was open, you know.' Silence from Sora. 'And to think, I varnished that window frame four days ago...it never ends!' Suddenly he felt a tinge of concern for Sora. 'Oh. You ..okay?' Still silence. Riku walked over to the window and looked down. Sora was gone.

----o0o----

Just yonder, Sora was struggling to make his way through the secret vineyard behind Riku's place. Sora had severely hurt his scalp during the window incident, and was starting to lose strength. Another pack of feral Heartless suddenly appeared, having caught wind of the Keyblade. One by one they latched on to Sora. Already weakened from his injury, Sora yielded to the furry onslaught and collapsed. The last thing he saw before losing consciousness was a buzzing horde of Heartless running off with his Keyblade.

But then God came down with His clever smile and restored Sora's Keyblade. Feeling exasperated, God smote the Heartless for their injustice. Then He got in His rice rocket and jettisoned away with the fortitude of 2,000 venomous koalas running from a misshapen pack of legless puppies. Sora fell with joy when he saw this. His Keyblade was safe. It was a good thing, too, because in eight minutes his favorite TV show, Barney, was going to come on (followed immediately by 'When venomous koalas meet bloody glove'). Sora was relieved. And so, everyone except Riku and a few gun-toting venomous koalas lived blissfully happy, forever after.


End file.
